3 Steps to Managing Your Expectations of Others

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I believe the spiritual path of self-improvement is the most important reason for this life on earth, I often find myself exasperated by others. Especially in our current worldwide situation, all the fear and uncertainty is leading to some nasty accusations and name calling all sides of the political spectrum. Part of me gets so frustrated, because I want to say, "Come on, guy! We are the good side. We are the loving side. Get with the program!"

Obviously this would fall on mostly deaf ears, because human nature does a couple a things: 1) we tend to think our way is the right way. That makes sense. Otherwise why would we even be following it, right? And 2) We don't notice our own flaws well. Knowing that I am guilty of this, too, makes it very difficult for me to take an authoritative tone on issues and concerns. We all come with different perspectives and experiences and levels of growth, and if I am expecting the world to see things my way and my way only, then I am sort of missing the point of spiritual self-improvement.

I tend to be fairly lenient and easy with kids and teenagers. I see the pain and the confusion and I can empathize with their difficult backgrounds. When someone hits 18, though, I sort of expect them to be sound, moral, and self-led citizens. That's really not fair. The more I think about it, the more I realize just as we all start at a different level professionally or economically, we also start at a different level spiritually. We are not just empty vessels responding to the environment around us (sorry Aristotle). We each start off with our own unique personality and ability to give and receive. There is no judgement here. I was the second child. I was demanding and expected as much as my brother got, if not more. This led to multiple power struggles and probably a pretty hard hit on my self-esteem. I used to pity myself greatly over this, but then I realized that I was sent to the world with a particular set of skills to hone, and maybe learning to tame my ego was one of them. 

It seems to be a trend lately to raise bratty girls and then say they are just destined to be Lady Boss's. I think we need to be very careful with this. While I don't believe you need to tame your child's spirit, an unchecked ego can make an unpleasant person, both inside and out. But maybe they were destined to be Lady Boss's. Maybe that is their particular set of skills. What I think we forget, is all the ways the world measures the worth of a person means very little to the eternities of existence. A person's bratty heavy-handedness might make them an asset  here, but in the afterlife who are they really going to be?

Things are shifting in the spiritual world around us, and I am not sure what it means. I feel old alliances-those spirtual connections to people-changing and it is still strange to me. People whose spirits I feel comforted by, even if I rarely see them, seem to be pulling away. It isn't painful-just different. Now you could argue that perhaps it is I who is pulling away and I am just projecting it onto them. Maybe. Or maybe we are all connected by invisible silken cords and these are weakening. Who is to say? Perhaps the mission we served together is winding down. I eagerly await my next group of spiritual sisters. I get the weirdness when the words are spoken on an Earthly level. 

We have these expectations of people to meet our standards. To be on our level, to be with us, you must think, feel, and act, this way, this way, and that way. I know a lady who when we speak of religion says, All paths lead to God, but she has evolved beyond Christianity. On the one hand, I sort of understand where she is coming from. However, on the other, is one level really higher or beyond another? Maybe each person has a path which has been tailor-made for them to follow. Maybe Christianity is a higher path for some, particularly if they need to develop certain spiritual aspects of themselves. So while I completely understand and at times agree with her, at the same time, when I start thinking this, I think I am being very self-centered and self-important. Some people are very uncomfortable with the idea that all paths lead to God. They believe there is one way, and you are in grave danger if you don't agree. When confronted with this viewpoint is is important to remember often people are most concerned about the souls of people they care about. You have to live your own path, but try to be understanding of the bigger picture.

Comparisons don't work. Let me say that another way. Spiritual comparisons between souls do not work. 

That said, we still live in this physical world and have expectations of others. I have thought a lot about what I can expect from others and it comes down to the idea of boundaries.

1: Inner circle. The inner circle is those closest family members (and maybe a friend or two), who get to be near you almost daily. Our expecations for them are different because we have a deeper intimacy and level of sharing. My expectations for those within my inner circle are honesty, valuing my need for privacy, and meeting worldly expectations (helping with bills and the household). I expect to be accepted for all my crackpot ideas and beliefs, but also expect honest and constructive feedback and criticism. There is no room in the inner circle for jealousy or one upmanship. That is not to say it doesn't occur. We often use our inner circle for dumping of negative emotions, however, if this happens too often, it can destroy the bond. 

2. The Second Circle. Second circle people are those family and friends who do not live with us and who do not need to know all our daily information. They may be the coworkers we have contact with regularly, the neighbor we meet frequently for playgroup, the relative who lives a few miles away, the church friend, or the coffee buddy. I expect honestly and acceptance from this group. Loyalty is a common factor to remain in this group. This group provides comaraderie and support beyond that of the family. We can be tempted to dump on them, but it is usually a bad idea. If they were safe for dumping, they would be in the Inner Circle. 

3. The Outer Circle. The third circle are those others you interact with on a regular basis, but who don't really play a huge role in your life. Perhaps the coworker you chat with by the coffee maker, the cousin on facebook, or an acquaintance at church. I expect politeness and professional competency from this group. This means, I still don't need my cousin on Facebook to tell me I am going to Hell because I believe differently (rude), but I expect a greeting and how are you when we meet. If I really like someone I might share more honest information, hoping to move them into the second circle, but that has to be reciprocated. If they are unwilling to take the step as well, they are making their own boundaries pretty clear. 

Then of course, there are the outsiders. We are polite to those fellow humans.

These circles help me to keep the correct distance I need between myself and others. When I am not aware of my interactions, I tend lump everyone into two groups: The Second Circle and outsiders. Thus I tend to push close members out and pull outer circle people in too close for their own comfort. I am still working very hard on this area of my life.

So now that we have this idea of being on different paths of spiritual growth, and the understanding that different people fulfill different roles in our lives (and we in theirs--and isn't it the worst when you both have different expectations for which circle you each fit in?), it is time to figure out how to manage our expectations of others.

1. Are they acting within the boundaries and expecations of their circle? For example, I expect my kids to be honest with me. However, I also try to respect their privacy. On rough days, my husband and I bitch at each other. This cannot happen every day, and name calling and screaming absolutely violates expecations. 

So let's say my husband comes home and starts complaining about the house and the kids and the President of the United States. If this happens all the time, that is unfair  and something's gotta give. If it is a one-off then perhaps, I need to be understanding and see if HE needs a little down time or an ear to listen to his troubles.

2. Are they just making personal choices I don't agree with? For example, I can be judgemental at times. I think routine circumcision of male infants is wrong. However, if I try to put that expecatation on others, who prefer to remove the foreskin off their newborn son's penis, I am going to ruffle a lot of feathers. We all come to the field with a different understanding of how the game is played. For example, with circumcision, Janie's mom had her brother circumcised: the doctor said it was healthier back then, the baby book Janie picked up said it wasn't a big deal and there were pros which really convinced her, and her doctor really stressed the pros. Janie is going to want to circumcize her baby. Whereas, Katie read a lot of books which stressed the pros of remaining intact, noted the circumcision rate is other developed countries was rather low, and her pediatrician didn't mention it as it was hospital policy not to push elective surgeries. Well, she is going to come to a different decision. Both dearly love their little boys and want what is best for them. so when I find people making decisions and choices which I might not agree with, but don't really affect me, I have to chill a bit.

3. Is this person doing the best they can? Yes, I like cheerful servers when I go out to eat. But if her boyfriend just dumped her, her boss just yelled at her, and her socks are wet, maybe just getting out to the table and filling your coffee is the best she can manage right now. Maybe Chris dates a string of flaky girls he finds in dance clubs then complains he can't find the one, but maybe that is all Chris knows to do. We don't punish a two year old for impatience, because it is developmentally appropriate for them not to have patience. We use short easy words to guide them and work on managing our own patience to get through the moment while modeling the same behavior we want them to show. When we find others are not meeting our expectations, it is vitally important we step back and consider if what we are asking is within their realm of abilities at this time. If the answer is maybe not, then we need to scaffold with our help to get them to where we want them to be or, particularly with strangers and those outside the Inner Circle, change our expectations.

Setting up my own understanding of what role a person has in my life and stepping back to consider where they personally might stand in their own personal development has greatly helped me maintain appropriate expectations as well as boundaries.

Quiet Lately

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I have been quiet lately, I know. I started with a firm idea for this blog, but then I discovered more and more of my posts were straying from my intentions. I thought a break to focus on other areas of my life would help me come back with clearer intentions. Since my subpages, which do not have content yet,  are Mind, Body, and Spirit, I probably need to focus more specifically on those. However,  when I write here frequently, this place begins to feel like home and I want to put EVERYTHING here and focus gets lost.

I have been doing GREAT! That's another reason why I haven't been writing often. My habit is to use writing as a way to process the thoughts and feelings which are difficult to articulate in spoken word. I find once I have written it all out I feel much better (although other people might start to wonder about me). However, I am at home, and I am sleeping at least seven hours most nights (unheard of!) and the other day when I only slept for four, it didn't really bother me all day, because I was home and so well-rested overall.

My spirit is soaring at the lack of uncomfortable things to do currently. I have books and ideas to explore which keep my mind alive. My body, well, my body probably misses the forced movement of work, but I am taking walks and climbing up and down the staircase as exercise.

My biggest areas of stress have been the media and my spouse! I finally had to stop watching the news. At first I was fascinated by the death counts, but eventually I was turned off by CNN's slant. It wasn't like that back in the 90's (or didn't appear that way). The other channels, FOX and MSNBC, are even worse with their respected slants, and not really newsworthy channels. So I finally just decided to get my news from AP and Reuters articles.  Now, I also LOVE a good conspiracy theory. It's an INTPs downfall at times (and I am feeling super INTP today). Even though I know MBTI doesn't make a lot of sense and is probably nonsense, I definitely identify with the INFP/INTP cognitive function descriptions, even though we are not highly regarded. I am working on determining which other type I like best and will mold myself to that when I figure out what it is.
Not really, but I like to think about it. But I definitely do give credence to conspiracy theories. The question is which one. Which leads me to the real struggle at hand. All the hate on both sides. People keep drilling in their own thoughts on social media with memes and shared articles day after day. I have lost a lot of respect for the left-leaning side due to hatefulness and suggesting they love their families more and almost wishing ill outcomes for others (it feels like). I lost a lot of respect for my right-leaning side  years ago also due to hateful speech, so comparatively, I feel closer to them now. But I have been slowly unfollowing the constant meme generators (unless they are just funny) and naysayers, and will check back in with them with this not such a constant thing. Facebook is a lonely place now, mostly ads for businesses and people marketing themselves (which I totally want to do, once I get my focus nailed down). My spouse, well, the issue is, he is very smart and extremely passionate, which can make for a lot of emotion and stress. I want an even smooth life going on, and he is a roller coaster. It's a struggle.

I guess what I am struggling with is how to make this blog something which brings value to my readers' lives. I have a personal blog for just getting my feelings out. I want this to be more and more outwardly directed. That can be difficult for me, because I sort of think everyone will just figure out what works best for them. My husband often reminds me that other people aren't "researching" (as in google and books) every aspect of their lives to determine the best course. They are just living it. People need and crave direction at times. I like to take in enormous amounts of information, let is swirl around, and then pick and choose to make my own ideas and theories about life.  That's another problem. I would identify as Christian, but I also am into some pretty new agey stuff.  For example, I have been reading and enjoying horoscopes lately. Now, I don't truly believe the alignment of the stars on your moment of birth means a damned thing, BUT, I can still play with it and add it to my worldview, because its fun and why not? I can believe and not believe at the same time. Nothing is black and white.  However, I don't want to be the person who leads someone away from their own prescribed path. I don't want to confuse others. I also have a strong desire to please and be liked, and I can't make everyone happy because religion is so polarizing. I know what needs to be done. I need to just share my thoughts and let people take or leave me. But I don't want to be left! So that's a fear I am working on.

So this is where I currently stand, and why I have been quiet.

Hopefully I will get this figured out soon and go back to sharing frequently.

Personality Style at Work, Book Review

This book was near the bottom of my library stack, and thank goodness, the libraries are going to start opening for pickups in a few days!
When I grabbed it from the shelf, I thought it had a lot of promise. I love personality style and I liked the way the author, Kate Ward, used examples of people and personality rather than a checklist (though a quiz might have been nice). Reading it I could see where I might fall in, and I could see how it would be helpful to understand the type of person you are working with in order to improve communication and head off misunderstandings. The book also gave examples of what to do if you found yourself embroiled in a problem or even attacked (not physically, of course) by one of the types.

Again, while this book is a helpful guide-it isn't a holy grail. Who presents just one type? I don't know about you, but with paperwork, I am very systematic-quiet and serious about getting it done. However, if I enjoy someone's company, I will happily put the paperwork aside for a good discussion. Also systematic people supposedly are extremely detail oriented and slow. That isn't really me. I don't want to make mistakes, but I am not overly worried about perfection. There is more to my job than paperwork. My desk area, with its quotes and family pictures, would suggest I was more the considerate type-but I am not. I don't want to quietly listen (once I am comfortable with my group). If it is an area of interest I want to ask direct questions, get to the point, and get to work. So I found myself straddling the area between systematic and direct. Spirited is another area I dip my feet in, but it is usually an anomaly-something has grabbed my interested and tickled my toes, or I am under an unusual amount of stress. Or faking it, because women are expected to be outwardly emotional. Except for crying. I  cry easily, much to my chagrin. However, I generally prefer to keep my emotions calm if I can.

In spite of that, I think it is likely this book would be helpful for someone struggling to understand that difficult coworker and what motivates them. It is probably for the younger reader, as I can't imagine making it to middle age without figuring people types out yet.

Things I have learned so far

I don't know much. Let's just start off there. I was resting in the sun on the back deck, skin cancer be damned, drinking in the perfect spring day. The sky has been alternating between bright blue with slight clouds and a cloudy haze with a hint of sun shining through. It is warm enough to feel the burn on my spring-skinned arms. I could hear the man next door with his power tools. He is always working, building something. Right now he is working on a deck for the pool. He just completed a two story play house with electricity and siding and windows. Last year, he made wooden steps for the pool and a wheelchair ramp all the way to the street. The ramp is gone now, just a wooden front porch remains. He is always busy though. I thought how nice it would be to make something with my hands. I can't even accurately patch a hole in the wall, let alone build a backyard extravaganza.

There was a rainbow around the sun. My ten-year-old pointed it out to me during one of the hazy phases of the day. I guess it is called a solar halo. It was lovely and I liked to pretend things are more than they are, so I looked it up. Apparently some people see them as a bad omen and others feel they are good. Some people have been known to see the Virgin Mary or even Jesus himself in the glow. I saw a pretty rainbow around a hazy sun, and thought perhaps rain is coming (which doesn't take a genius considering it is early May). I remember an author in a book I read recently, one of those famous newagey ones whose name escapes me, saying we are coming back into the age of aquarius. Things should begin to shift to a more spiritual level. We will focus more on that aspect rather than on material goods. What I actually believe and what I like to think about don't always go hand in hand, but it is a nice thought, isn't it?

I thought about how I like to occasionally think about things to remind myself I am smart, and then I think of people who are so much smarter. I remember the people who thought the things I struggled with were child's play in college, and those people were at Missouri State University. Which means there are people who are even so much smarter. Then I wonder if that isn't true-maybe all these fancy colleges have more to do with you are and who you know and what, besides a good test score, you bring to the table. Perhaps these people were just as smart, just in different situations. Then I laugh at myself and think of the guy who left Missouri University where he'd been studying Chemistry (another premed failure) to study chemistry at Missouri State, and talked about how much easier Missouri State chemistry classes were. And I thought of the overseas foreign students who just seemed so much brighter and they weren't even working in their first language. And how professors would come in and have to be told to make the work easier because we Missouri kids couldn't do physics at the level they did in college. And I was really bad at it! So I console myself with the people who struggled to get C's in psychology, who studied and studied and C's were all they could get. And I feel a little better about myself.

But then I think about how very little that stuff actually matters. And I wonder how such things got so hyper-inflated in my head. Why do I care about the things I care about? 

Day by Day~ just rambling

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It's morning again, and I slept until after 6:30. That is rare for me. I even had a sweet dream, which made me feel young and hopeful when I awoke, and the first thing the little boys wanted me to do was read to them in my bed. Sadly it was a really weak book, "The Berenstain Bears and the Real Easter Eggs," which the boys like, but I really don't. Some Berenstain Books are great and have good ideas, but this one just feels weak. 

 But your little ones would probably like it because it has lots of pictures of candy!


I found a new morning coffee. We had been drinking the Great Value French Roast K-cups. Now, I am not going to say these are the best things around, however, I liked them because they were bold and strong and cheap! However, my husband has been refusing to go to Wal-mart, because he says their parking lot loudspeaker announcements are like a dystopian nightmare. I think they are weird, too, but I will go to Walmart if needed. However, somewhere along the way, I ended up trying a different brand. Now, I like that Highland Grog I told you about in a previous post. Mmm! But I wanted something unflavored for every day use, and since I am blessedly home every day (loving it!) with this whole pandemic fiasco, I wanted something just regular. And I found this:




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I don't know why I grabbed the Post Alley, but I did and I enjoy it. It is rich and very smooth on the tongue. Now, I am not a coffee aficionado, or would that be connoisseur?  who can talk all day about the difference in coffee beans and roasts, but I know I like this. I would like to try some of their other coffee, too. I usually mix my "good" coffee with a cheaper store brand or Folgers to enrich the less expensive coffees and to stretch the better stuff. I have to say, today I grabbed my cup when it was still brewing and it is strong and bitter. I also had fresh pineapple, so maybe I am just reacting to the contrast between sweet and bitter.

Listen, this last month and a half has been one of the best in years. Once I went through the initial adjustments I have found I am sleeping better, have very little anxiety, and am more active whether walking or stair climbing. Now I have gained a few pounds, as  unfortunately a walk around the neighborhood doesn't erase the calories of too many home-baked goods, but overall it is nice. However, there are downsides to living this way long term. First of all, financially, noone is going to pay me to stay home for years. And poverty is yucky. This is just a lucky break (assuming we don't get sick). Two, a woman needs a means to support herself and her kids in case of troubles. Three, this goes along with two, but retirement is a thing, and who wants be working well into their seventies and beyond? Not me!

So, I am just going to enjoy it for what it is. Ultimately, I like our lifestyle and don't want to cut back. Now when the Universe is ready to bless me with that winning lottery ticket-or when my store takes off and starts pulling in real cash, I will be happy to move on to something new! I feel as if I have plateaued at my current job, and that is sort of pathetic to me.  Can you imagine how nice it would be to just focus on my online shop? Or expand into a real little shop? I want my own store. How do I do that? It doesn't even have to be clothing, just a little place that is mine with interesting things and a warm, homey vibe. I'd have a little office in the back to run my numbers and a coffee pot and people would come see me, and I could focus on those superficial greetings which don't make me anxious about saying the wrong thing or pissing anyone off, because who can mess up a greeting?  I need a mentor.

I also need to stop with the superficial greetings and holding people an arms' length away. I am going to start drawing them in. I don't mean to hold them away, but my cautious language does that. For example, a coworker has found a new job. Everyone was saying how they would miss her, and my words were, "I am sure you will be missed." Now what I was saying is, "I will miss you." But my natural inclination was to remove myself ( and thus protect myself) and make a general statement. I have to stop doing that.

I have finished my stack of library books more or less. I need to get them together and drop them off and start reserving more. There are a few I didn't read, but they just didn't pull me along they way a book should. They were all nonfiction. I am a nonfiction junkie. That is so the opposite of who I was in my younger years. It's just so hard to find a fiction book which really draws me in. I want to be head over heels wrapped up in the story and can't put it down if it is fiction.
I have started this book:

But I am not in love with it yet. We'll see. I probably just need to keep on. There's nothing magical or romantic about it to get me hooked. But it was well-recommended.

I will be happy when my 10-year-develops a bit of modesty and doesn't walk through the house naked. Just saying.

So I am just rambling. I find myself torn over what to do with this blog. If I wait until I am inspired to write, I will write little. If I write regularly, but it runs of the risk of being dull and boring. Also I am struggling with people pleasing. I am always, always thinking of spiritual things, but I am sort of eclectic in my thinking. If I try to please the Christians, I leave off a large part of my thinking. If I am open and free with what I am thinking, I'll have some thinking I am a total flake as well as sinfully wrong.

So as far and when to write-I will just have to go with the flow. As far as spiritual things, I need to be strong enough to be me. If people laugh, they laugh. If they feel the need to pray for my lost soul, well, it can't hurt.

Much easier to say, "Be yourself," than to actually stand up and be you, though, isn't it?

Reading together, brotherly love

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It has been an effort to keep my ten-year-old reading during this break from school. He would much rather do a hands-on experiment, watch a YouTube video of someone doing a hands-on experiment, play Minecraft, or just ride his scooter around than sit and read a book. However, as both a teacher and a mother, I know how important it is to continue reading. Not only does reading practice those important skills, it introduces the reader to new vocabulary, and far beyond academics, enlarges the reader's worldview and the whole scope of their life. If you think I am being dramatic. I am. It is! Reading can absolutely change a person and change a life. Think back to those first chapter books which have really stuck with you. If you read and reread enough, those books become a part of who you are. That is why I love sharing books in my classroom, even if I am reading or we are listening to an audiobook. Stories broaden our world. I learned history though teen romance novels and science through adult literature-and learning this way is painless!

Off my soapbox now. I want my boys to understand and share my love of reading. I also want them to have a shared experience beyond who can ride their scooter the fastest down the road. So I have made a deal. Some might call it a bribe, but I prefer to consider it a business deal. My older son is reading this famous book, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone aloud to my seven-year-old, and I am providing incentive to do so.

Now, you might be a little shocked over the incentive, but hear me out. First, my 10-year-old doesn't like Harry Potter. Magic isn't real and he lives very much in the world of real, or at least theoretical. However, we are a Harry Potter family, and I strongly desire to get his Ravenclaw butt hooked. My seven-year-old likes Harry Potter, but could use more opportunities to practice sitting quietly and listening. Also, I remember listening to my brother read books such as The Hobbit and The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe aloud to me. I could see those gigantic spiders swooping in ready to gobble up the Bilbo and his friends. I could feel the respect and awe reserved for Gandalf. I, too wanted to step through the doors of the wardrobe into a magical world where adventures awaited. I want my sons to share that experience of wading through imaginary lands on an adventure together.

We have purchased the Illustrated edition, because it is so beautiful. I just love the pictures and I believe they will draw in the young listener. There is enough text, however, they will still have to rely upon their own imaginations to help create this world in the clouds.

It's risky-pushing someone to do something which I would like to come from the heart. If things work out perfectly, then they will enjoy it so much, they will ask for the second book, and continue on an amazing childhood adventure together. If it doesn't, then my son still won't want to read for fun, and the bonding I hope happens will form somewhere else. At that point, I will continue to read aloud to them in the evenings, but it is proving difficult to always fit the time into our evening routines since the three-year-old is staying up later.  They will have to bond over BeyBlade competitions and Minecraft discussions. I am excited to see how it turns out!

Nice in the time of Coronavirus

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What if, for a just a little while, we stopped the nastiness?

I know, I know, how idealistic of me.

When all this first started and items started to disappear from the shelves people began to worry. A local citizen started up a facebook group to spread information , help people locate necessary goods, and find out when their stores were operating. Everything was changing rapidly and this group did a fantastic job of providing community members with the information they needed.

After a couple of weeks, however, it started to get a little nasty. People started posting opinions and politics and eventually it became a place I didn't want to hang out anymore. As time has gone on, the supply of most items I want has balanced out anyway. I even managed to score a tiny bottle of hand sanitizer last week!

Life goes on, even during a pandemic, and it wasn't long before the memes started. They were funny and clever and at first, poked fun at this weird situation and all the ironies we were being faced with. But they slowly began to change. Suddenly all the friendship and comraderies started to disippate, and people began moving back to their corners. Instead of honest discussions about the repercussions real people were feeling, people started name calling. It didn't seem to matter which side you were on, you were wrong in someone else's eyes. 

Worried about getting your job back or paying your bills or not losing your business? Someone had something to say about that.

Scared of being forced to work as an essential worker. Someone was mad.

Scared of getting a disease that could be deadly? Geez. Obviously the left mainstream media had you fooled.

Worried about the government using this to limit your freedom (now or in the future)? Well, you are just a dumb trumper.

Boy, this will show those dumb anti-vaxxers!

Buy an extra bag or two of flour and rice because you are worried about your next paycheck? How selfish!

I think the very, very worst I have seen is people stating, "No medical care if you go to a rally. Let all the Trump-lovers get what they deserve." And believe me, I am no Trump lover. 

The truth is, many of us fall into more than one of those categories. Some people may put all their trust in the government and feel very secure with shutdowns. Others may remember governments of the past centuries and be very scared. The truth is, there can be unintended consequences and fallouts from ANYTHING, and we still don't have all the answers. 

And no matter which side you fall on and who you believe, your feelings are valid, and your thoughts  might be very real. We don't know how this will play out. We don't know know how long it will last, how severe it will be if it returns, if they will find a vaccine which works effectively. We don't know if governments and private corporations will take advantage of this to gather more control.

On top of all of these unknowns, everything in life has shifted. The smiling face at Walgreens is now behind a plastic partition and ugly blue mask. Every one in the store looks warily at everyone else, and people move away from others. I greeted a fellow teacher as we passed outside the school building a month ago, and while he smiled, he also moved a few steps away from me. It is hard not to take it personally when a person steps away as if you are diseased or dangerous. The Karen in me isn't used to this! I'll reach to grab a can of corn, and someone turns to look, and I think, "Oh my God, I am in their space." Yesterday, I witnessed one older gentleman reach out to another other man, knowing he was of the same political persuasion and say, "I am not afraid to shake your hand." As we stared in horror, the second gentleman smiled and said, "That's okay, I was just about to wash my hands, anyway."


This is not normal. None of this is normal. And to have every little aspect of life turned upside down and for how long, we don't know, is really hard. And to start splitting it into partisan ideals is just too distressing.

And I just wish, we could all listen a little harder. I wish we could listen to the scientists, consider the politicians, and accept our neighbor. I wish we didn't need to prove a point, by being gleeful at the thought of protesters getting sick, and I wish we would not reach out and shake a 74-year-old man's hand right now to prove a political point.