It was the Best of Times, It was the Worst of Times

 

                                    Photo by Doyo Hermann on Unsplash

Just kidding, it's probably neither.

    I am worn out. My legs toned up so much from all the walking last week, but I am having difficulty keeping it up. It is just so unnatural to walk in Springfield. I like walking with a purpose to get somewhere. But doing so in Springfield is just weird. I would have to cross Campbell street to go to Walmart and there is very little else to go near here. Yes, I could walk the neighborhood or go to the nature center, but that isn't walking with a purpose to me. That's just boring (occasionally it's fine, but every day?).

    I feel a little sluggish and guilty for not Ubering last night and this morning. Yes, my brain is tired and needs a little retreat, but I feel the need to pay for all my extravagant spending (extravagant by lower middle class standards that I probably am on one income), and just don't want to. My car is about 3 months overdue for an oil change and I am struggling with 1) allocating the money and 2) dealing with the upsell pressures from the oil change shop. 

    I have been a little moody-and I hate that. I hate the even keel of not being moody, too. I like it when I feel just on the edge of depth and sensitivity, but not to the point of depression and darker thoughts. It's a tightrope to feel enough to infer meaning, but not so much it seems hopeless. I don't have a lot to look forward to now that my little weekend trip is over, so I need to plan something to add a little anticipation and excitement to my world. 

    I am a little bored with Christmas. I am trying to eat less sweets, so there is no baking anticipation, and I never am good at anything anyway. I don't mean that as negatively as it sounds, I just struggle in the practical skills department. What I would like to do? Maybe plan a themed Christmas that other people do the hands-on practical labor and skills. But that's not going to happen, and I don't have the funds anyway. I feel like social media push push pushes overdoing everything. I am so burned out with bucket lists and forced excitement. It is starting to make everything feel like a must do and not very authentic anymore. Everything is starting to feel...fake and forced. I am losing belief in everything. And maybe that is okay. Because maybe on the other side is something more meaningful and authentic-I don't know. But right now, it feels like a lot of forced cheer with no real magic in it.

    I am not going to achieve the life I wanted and it still burns a little. I thought about going back to school for writing-I need to work on my writing skills, but most writing programs require submission of writing samples and I have kept nothing from college. And I don't even know that any of it was good enough anyway. Some bright middle schoolers write as well as I do. Wanting to do something isn't talent. I want to tumble like Simone Biles, but it isn't going to happen.  I know this is a me problem. This is a direction and focus problem, and yet...maybe all this sense of purpose and direction and focus is MADE UP. Maybe we are just primates eeking out an existence and reading way too much into everything. I know this is where people choose to cling to faith, but the majority of the faithful are hateful and blind to their own faults, just as I am to mine (Well, I am selfish, hide my feelings behind untruths, share too much and yet am not open enough, am a little boring, crave stimulation and security simultaneously, can be very hard to please-sometimes deliberately so, I brag too much and have too little to show for it, and my pride is off the rooftops, lazy, and lack of vision---there's a few of my faults). Anyway, whatever. Things that are good about me? I don't know. It's so much harder to tally goodness, isn't it, because we yearn to fix our faults, but our good things (there is a word I can't find-which worries me-my brain worries me in the past few years) seems so common place. My ex used to tell me not everyone thinks and cares like I do, and I don't know if that was a compliment or an insult, especially when I know how petty I can be. 

    Anyway, this post is a drag, isn't it? Thanks for being my internet therapist couch! 

    I need to get my house in order. Can the brain be in order when the environment is disorderly? I don't think so. I ordered some cleaning supplies, so I am excited for that. The boys really do destroy things faster than I can keep them up. I know some day they will be gone, so I try to accept that, but I always did yearn for a beautiful home. I need to not get new pets when these are gone. Pets are smelly and destructive. But I do like them and baby pets are so hard to reject. But I have two cats and two dogs and that is more than enough. Shatner doesn't have a lot more time. He is now 13. He may have a couple more years left. I need to have the strength not to replace him, though. I need to think long term.

    Welp, all the deep thoughts I imagined sharing with you are not happening, because I am hyperaware that I need to brush my teeth and it is bugging me. Why can't coffee leave a good taste in the mouth?

    Have a good one!

    Definitely a Hurricane morning.

    

Let's Talk About Health, Baby!

 

Photo by Bruno Nascimento on Unsplash

Winter is officially here, right? Happy Birthday, fictional character, Feyre Alcheron! Welcome, winter solstice. I wish I were into rituals and had something symbolic and meaningful planned, but alas! I am not big on the preparation that ritualistic symbolism requires. I do admire the romanticism, however.

Do you ever just feel Amy Marchy? Like clearly you were intended to have a staff? Can you guys imagine what life would be like with a housekeeper and maybe a part-time nanny? What could be accomplished? Or a personal assistant who just does all those details?  I can. And it looks pretty nice from right here.

My Simple Weight Loss Plan

So health. I am gaining weight! I can see it in my face, and feel it around my waist and suffer with it with my ongoing heartburn/acid reflux, and esophagus narrowing problems. The thing is, I don't know what I am doing differently. I don't feel like I am eating that much. But number don't lie, and I must be. My old standby-the only weight loss trick that works consistently for me-is counting calories. And there is no trick there, just hard work and discipline. And friends, I think that is the threshold I stand upon now. So back to MyFitnessPal, back to counting candy calories, back to just saying no to that bowl of chips and salsa after dinner. 

Have you tried MyFitnessPal? You must! I use the free version and it is perfect.

I can lose weight on 1500 calories, and lose it faster on 1200. Somewhere in between those will be my target. I can do this.

My Simple Exercise Plan

If you know me, you know I am big proponent of K.I.S.S. (Keep it Simple Sweetheart). When planning a vacation, I have a rough itinerary of the must-sees, but believe in leaving a lot of room open for surprise side trips. I will be the first one up and out the door at the hotel, but I am not going be checking the time, herding everyone along (unless something might close). I also believe in ACTIVE vacations. As appealing as lying on a beach with an alcoholic drink appears, the fear of missing out on the WORLD hasn't allowed me to take such a vacation just yet. That and I always have kids around. But why lie on a beach when you can go to an art museum? Or hike to a waterfall? Or drink coffee in a rainy metropolis? Hell, let's just do all of this, beach included. That's the life for me. The truth is, I think I was meant to be an active person. I was an active kid. I loved running and climbing and playing. But whereas other girls funneled their energy into organized sports as puberty hit, I didn't know how. I had no teacher, no experience, and let's be honest, possibly no talent. As I watched other girls seem to flourish, I disappeared into myself behind a wall of shame and self-hatred. The self-hatred kept my weight down throughout high school, but once the babies came, the struggle became quite real. The last time I was really happy with my weight was after my first child was born, and before the others came. I was working out to a video 3x a week, walking the stroller on alternate days, and sticking to three small meals a day. All that work got me to just  under 130 pounds. Perhaps if I hadn't gotten pregnant with Caleb (very much planned), I would have continued to shave off a few more pounds.

This year, I have been doing some floor exercises pretty regularly. Stretches, (REAL!) pushups, crunches, and some leg/butt exercises. Then a couple weeks ago, I just stopped. Sometimes the carpet needed vacuumed and grossed me out, and sometimes I just didn't sleep well, and wanted to conserve my energy for the day. It is amazing how rapidly a tightening abdomen can disintegrate into softness. Also I had been walking a couple nights a week with my son. We decided to add jogging, he protested on the second time we went out, and we haven't done anything active since. 

So my new plan:

1. Renew the exercises. I may have to get strict with myself (no getting dressed for work until they are done). 
2. Continue/amp up the squats I do while waiting for my coffee to brew. I thought my 20-30 squats were great, then my coworker (who is 10 years older!) told me she did 400 squats one day. Umm, Okay. I can do better. 
3. Go back to walking/jogging. I happen to know my son is getting a new scooter for Christmas, so I can still jog and with a new scooter, he can keep up (and get some exercise time).

I don't think I have caught the Coronavirus, though I have had one bad cold and one minor cold since it all started. Who is to say the colds weren't the virus? I don't know, I never had a fever, cough, or loss of taste or smell. But I do know if I do get a heavy viral load, I am overweight, over 45, and A positive blood type. So I need to get my act together, man. And I teach! I am surrounded by germs. 

I am not a big vitamin person. I think vitamins should mostly come from healthy foods. However, my husband did purchase some vitamin gummies, which taste yummy, so I have been eating a few of them each day.

With these steps in place, I have no reason to think, I won't lose at least one of these chins by spring!

THE 50 WALK CHALLENGE

I am so excited! I have been lying around slothlike and really feeling the detrimental effects of not moving much. After going over my max daily maintenance calories AGAIN, I grabbed the boys and went for a starlit walk. And then it hit me!
I needed a goal to get myself moving on a regular basis. The idea for a 50 Walk Challenge came into my head, and wheels were set in motion.

As soon as I returned home from the walk, I downloaded an app to keep track of
my walk. I set a deadline of May 31st. I absolutely counted today's walk 😀. I decided the walk had to be a minimum of 15 minutes long to count.
Accountability is a hard one for me, so please feel free to ask me how the challenge is going. My current plan is to report back every Friday night until this goal is met!

I downloaded an app called Goal Tracker to my Android phone. I can just check off my daily walk.

Here is a pic of what the chart looks like.

I could use an accountability partner if you want to play along and share your workout or walks in my comments each week.

8 things I Do To Make Myself Happier

Listen! We are living in some crazy times. If you are anything like me, or say, the other 7. whatever billion people on this planet, your whole life has been turned upside down in just a few weeks. Although most of us are holding on the hope that things will eventually (and hopefully soon) get back to to normal, we are still going through a huge amount of uncertainty, upheaval, and resulting stress.

To get through these times without losing my mind, I find it helpful to keep a stash of little things in my back pocket to lift my spirits, so I can continue to be the strong and mighty queen the world needs!

This post contains affiliate links.

1. Rehydrate every morning

I find it hard to drink water, especially upon waking, EVEN IF my throat is dry. One thing that helps is having a quick 8 ounces before I start my coffee brewing (seriously it almost makes me gag, I don't know where this aversion comes from),  and then sip another warm cup with fresh squeezed lemon. Somehow when I warm up the mug of water, and splash a little zesty lemon it becomes a palatable treat!

I've got to get this happy cup!

2. Caffeinate

I like my coffee. Dark, rich, and hot, just holding that steaming cup in my hands in a fantastic morning pleasure. If coffee isn't your um, cup of tea, perhaps trying a cup of tea will give you a lift. There are so many varieties of coffee and teas, both caffeinated and decaf, you can easily find the right brew to lift your morning mood. Anything that becomes part of a quiet morning ritual will enhance your day and bring a feeling of wellness. When it comes to favorite brews, I swear I love the Walmart Great Value French Roast K-cups. To increase the value of that minute or so waiting for the Keurig to heat up and brew, I do between 20-30 various squats to tone my legs.

Go crazy and consider this coffee:

3. Morning Meditation

I am not going to lie. I am not a super-meditator who can sit for 45 minutes visualizing world peace (although if you are, you go!). But I like to sit and listen to a short meditative lecture on the Simple Habit app, while doing slow stretching exercises to warm my body up and loosen for the day. After that, I will listen to some white noise or meditative music and practice true meditation and visualization for oh, an average of around 6 minutes.
If the Simple Habit app isn't for you, here are links to several other similar sites you can try! 

4. Hiking

Photo by Toomas Tartes on Unsplash

While not my picture, and apparently that photo was taken in Chile, I love hiking. I don't do it nearly as often as I should, because the hump I have to get over to pack enough for the kids and get all the stuff ready seems to outweigh my perceived benefit of pushing through, but when I do push through I always am delighted I did. I love the outdoors, the scenery, the exercise, and even the confidence I feel when I manage rocky terrain surefootedly. Nothing as of yet has compared with our short family hikes in Rocky Mountain National Park, however, I have explored Ozark hills, quiet wooded paths,  emerald green paths atop the Cliffs of Moher in Ireland, and I plan to see how the Alps compare to the Rockies as soon as fate allows!

While not technically hiking boots, these were my go-to boots on rainy walks in Ireland:




I swear I love these things. I get so excited on work days when it is wet and rainy. A perfect excuse to wear my two-year-old boots!

5. Favorite Movies
A little media can be good for the soul. Watching a tear-wrenching film is often the carthartic release I need to look at the world through new eyes. Most of us are getting more than enough screen time. Let's just make sure it is something worth our time which enriches our lives. For you it might be a silly comedy, an action film, or a light-bright rom-com. You do you. You deserve it.

Or watch something fun, like the movie we got my youngest child, Alec's name from (I am totally the dorky blonde girl)

6. Reading

I will never have enough time to read. From fabulous fiction which takes me away to a better place, to informative and inspiring nonfiction which helps me discover who I was meant to be and encourages me to become that person, there are so many amazing books out there! Now that my life is so busy I read a lot more nonfiction than fiction. It is just so much easier to skim and drop off and pick up a nonfiction book. But every now and then a fiction book will grab ahold of me and won't let me go until we come to that shaky, sleep-deprived ending. Heaven!
I'll be posting on my current reading soon.

7. Brainstorm Fun Ideas

From bucket lists, to do now dream lists, to planning imaginary virtual vacations, I love to think about the all the options in the world, and think about what it would be like to make it happen.
I have recently been inspired by my reading of How to do Everything and Be Happy, by Peter Jones. It's a simple book to help you feel brave enough to take back some time and has practical hints on how to organize the things you want to do and get them done.

This is one of the books that is cheaper in paperback than kindle...

8. Practice Letting Go

Letting go of past hurts and disappointments is never easy. But it is the KEY to a happy outlook. Give yourself the time to really dig in and feel the feels and then when you are ready, look for the lesson, and move on. Learning not to hold grudges and not to drown in self-pity has given me the power to control my own happiness, and I recommend giving it a try. This is a lesson which requires practice, because once forgiven, doesn't mean always forgiven. The stubborn heart when challenged will bring back those unpleasant memories, so it helps to think of forgiveness as an ongoing process you can practice again and again and again.

I am sorry. My good-girl-ness doesn't usually like bad words, but is just so right on. A good short affirmation for yourself!



As you can see, these are simple ideas. Not a one of them is too crazy-hard to implement to increase your daily happiness. While you would obviously want to switch out the ones which don't work for you and put in things that make you, personally, happy, the key is to add a little joy to your life Every. Single. Day.