Bad, Bad, Bad, Bad Vibrations

Wednesday, November 6, 2019

 According to the book I am reading, The Universe has Your Back,
(note: this is an affiliate link, which if you click and purchase can lead to compensation for me)our thoughts influence our feelings, which influence our energy and world and experiences-nothing new right? I mean whether you believe it on the mystical Universal level or whether you just think, "Duh! Happy people bring happy days (and vice versa)," this is probably old news to you right?
But still the past few days have been hard. Part of it is overeating and sugar. It is a vicious, addictive cycle that just has me feeling bad. There have been more treats in the office and once you start, you can't stop. At least I can't. I also keep fizzling out on calorie counting. I am going to have to bring my fitness pal up at work, even though I am terrifed admin is snooping and somehow they will see my weight (because you know, what else are they going to do all day?). But I need to just bring it up and use it.
Also I discovered I am lacking a personal system for completing a part of my job effectively. For the second time in as many weeks, I look really incompetent and stupid. I know this could be fixed by creating a system that works for me (and as soon as I fix the problem, I am going to do that), but I still a bit embarrassed and careless. But the creating a new system is sort of exciting. It's going to be so smooth-running and failproof, this problem will never happen again. And that is a powerful feeling.
But underneath this issue, is a feeling of deep hurt.
And the problem is when you start dwelling on the hurts, even though it is important to acknowledge them, it becomes hard to see past them. And sometimes you may find, you WANT to be stuck. To not be stuck means letting go of  your pride and pride is so so hard to let go of. If you let go, they win. They win. The people who hurt you, win! So you see the trap. So how do you get out of these self-imposed traps? Breathing and affirmations, of course. Prayer. Making the connection to what is bigger than the emotions swirling around in your heart, influencing your brain. And a lot of fortitude. It's hard to let go of things. And they have a way of rising back up under stress. There is this constant need for vigilance and renewal. My brain patterns were formed in negative feelings. Whether it is nature or nurtures fault (and it is probably both. I was probably a ticked-off petty little toddler), the brain tries hard to revert to what it is comfortable with when in stress. You PERSONALLY have to put your hand up and say stop, give yourself a big hug (because you exist and thus deserve it), and make changes. No easy feat. But worth it.

Anyway, I went to pick up the other book I was reading (I have about four going on right now-who knows which I will finish), but only saw this one by my bed, so I picked it up and read a few pages. And then-refreshment.
I had to stop reading because one, whenever I get a little reminder of a truth, I have to write about it, and two, a rainstorm with a bit of thunder struck and scared the two year old.
And then there is that head-shaking shrug, and wonder how one can forget.

I need to make a guidebook, I think. Something with the truths I have gathered which I read through regularly.

So I guess I have two assignments for myself:

System for my work issue
Guidebook for like you know, living

While the work plan won't be shared, as it is rather irrelevant here, once I get the guidebook underway I will share it.

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