My Newest Love-Brene Brown

Tuesday, May 14, 2019
Although it isn't what I am reading today, friends, if you haven't read Brene Brown or watched her TED talks, you just gotta. She is so awesome.

Here is a great TED talk to start with:

 If you have more time, her Netflix special is just great.

I currently have three books of hers checked out, and I love each one.

Ironically after talking about hating being vulnerable today, I did something that made me feel quite vulnerable. In front of an audience. I guess it was a bit impulsive, however, the opportunity was there and I jumped. And crashed. And burned a wee bit. It sucked. I was too busy to think on it much today, but tonight, OH THE SHAME. This is Brene Brown's field - The study of courage, shame, disconnection, all those wonderfully crappy feelings we all get lost in sometimes. And I was courageous (or impulsive), and I was rewarded with shame. But also feedback and knowledge. Knowledge which will help me steer away from barren shores and continue doing the hard work to get to where I need to be. I was chasing a side stream, when the river I want is much bigger and powerful. It is just a bit harder to get there. I am also carefully considering the fact that this is me consoling myself by imagining that I am more than them.  Self-deception is powerful.

So this evening I had a big, ugly cry alone in the kids' bathroom, then plucked myself up and went to get a Diet Coke and listen to some music. And breathe. I swear by this breathing thing. Practice. Right now! Take five long deep breaths. Hold each one. Count to five and slowly release. It's amazing.

It sucked. It sucks. But my path isn't going to be a straight, simple safe path. And that sort of sucks. Because I want what I want YESTERDAY! But I have to stop chasing other people's goals because mine is too hard.

And I feel good about that knowledge (and only sort of want to carry a faux stone ledge around with me to hide under), even though I know the destination isn't guaranteed; I have to steer my craft with authenticity.

And I think that is something that is so hard to do. How do you know what is the right path when there are so many outside influences hitting you every day? So many books suggest lists and charts and brainstorming, and I think they are partially on track with that. You HAVE to do the work to get to where you want to go. You have to separate the stories you have heard all your life with the story you want to tell.

This is something worth exploring and what I intend to focus on over the next week, because it is damned hard to be authentically you when you don't know who you are and what you want.

What about you? Have you ever crashed and burned? How did you handle it? Do you let yourself feel the pain or do you shove it deep down inside because "it doesn't matter" or "you didn't really want that anyway."

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