What else could it be? I have been very tired lately. The fatigue which used to plague me appears to have returned. I am not sure if it is the weather, the statin I started taking last month, or just a need to slow down and take it easy, but I have been dozing off on the couch while watching TV, not wanting to drive Doordash, and then, oddly, struggling to fall asleep once I make it up to my room. I guess I will just ride it out a bit. Maybe I need a few weeks to take it easy.
My house is a mess. The urge to find a new job is strong, but I am not sure why. I like my job. I love the kids. Sure I get bored, and the late hours suck (dismissal isn't until 4, which is AWFUL), but it works well for my family. I miss being off work by 2:45. Granted, I had to get there a lot earlier, but I am definitely putting in more time now. I am usually at work at least an hour before school starts. I just can't wait to get there until 8:30 contract, that seems crazy-late. I am happy that I am not tutoring. The money was nice, but I would hate to be there an extra hour and a half. The teachers seem really nice and not as backstabbing and catty as some other schools, but maybe I just don't know them well enough.
Maybe I need to start taking vitamin D again. I have stopped that. I also had a rare glass of wine last night. I have mostly lost my taste for alcohol, but thought it would be nice to have a glass last night. Perhaps that is why I feel so wiped out today. I stopped taking collagen for a month and the weird horizontal ridges have appeared on my thumbs again. Guess I need to restart that, too.
Tomorrow I am driving the 2.5 hours to take the boys to see their dad. I don't really feel like it. It's a long drive and boring and I have to drive home after. But, his parents help me out a lot, and I know they need to see their dad. I still look forward to when they can do this alone. I don't know that he will ever get out of his current group home. I feel for him-or the him he was 10 years ago, but the medicine is taking its toll on his body. I mourn for the past, but it wasn't all the great either. The times were hard then, too. I just have a knack for forgetting.
I have been very lonely this fall. For years, I was happy with the way things were and then suddenly, my singleness has been weighing on me. It's weird because frankly, I don't have the energy to mask my sloppy homemaking skills and sloth for a new person. Nor do I want someone as messy as me. I want someone who is a little more together, but doesn't mind my not being together. In a world that demands women be together, that seems unlikely. It's fine. It's probably just the cold weather.
So my life is the same old same old. Politics are exhausing, the world is sad, we are all hypocrites and I had to switch from generic zepbound to generic ozempic, and it doesn't work as well. So food noise is here, and I think about nachos a lot. Valentine boxes of candy are weighing on my mind as well
Lately I am astounded by how smart and creative people around me are in their own way. The value of the adults I know extends beyond their beliefs, their education. They are just so capable is ways I cannot seem to manage. We are all so different and so worthy.
I wish I could put in a new tub and shower and bathroom vanities. I wish I could take the kids to England and Scotland and even New England. I was talking to someone about it, and they suggested and Alaskan cruise. I always wanted to go on an Alaskan cruise, but I really feel the need to visit Great Britain. I don't know why. Probably Netflix shows.
Is it naptime yet? I feel guilty for not working more.
No comments:
Post a Comment