I am dying. Jack, I'm dying! Seriously, though. My whole life is one big messy mess. I spend too much and I need to rein it in. I started seriously panic breathing about my job next year at work this week. I had to carefully focus on on my breathing to stay calm. The sped job sounds great. Granted, I prefer comm arts, but I can do math. I think I would like coteaching with the two teachers. I like the sped staff and they seemed enthusiastic about me coming back. But...it's going back that concerns me. Yes, I can do the job. But who wants to move back to something they left? Am I overthinking this? I applied at Tierney's school for the ISC room, because they need a teacher badly. But I haven't done ISC and I am afraid the learning curve will be huge and I won't be able to make it happen.
I talked to the principal about my concerns (she must think I am wacko), and she said I needed to make up my mind quickly. I only slept 3 hours last night, stressing over all this. At any given time, any options seemed best. But then I got to school and noticed the FACS opening had been posted. I understand she needs to fill the spot, but it feels like she made up my mind for me-and that is not a good feeling.
So I am right back where I started. This. is. my. life. I struggle so much with big decisions. Everything has its pros and cons and I there are so many people to make happy in my mind. Sometimes I can't feel out what I want because I am trying to consider all the people around me. Then I waffle and waver and come across very flaky and unreliable.
I want to make Tierney happy. I want to make my sped coworkers happy. I want to make my kids happy. I want to make me happy.
It's hard.
No comments:
Post a Comment